So yesterday I made a decision that was altogether big and small and important and sad and happy. We’re sleep training. I feel like Harry is finally ready. He’s no longer the little infant who only cries when he needs something to sustain his life and contentment. He’s (dare I say it without choking up) growing up. Don’t ask me how I’m sleep training, because I don’t know. I can’t stand to hear that little boy cry, so it’s not going to be all Ferberizing up in here. But I’m not about to let him run the show, requiring a good rocking to sleep until he’s nine and embarrassed by it. So we’re somewhere in between and making it up as we go.
Yesterday started the process by letting him put himself to sleep. Getting him to third base, but putting it on him to bring it home. I know, I know. Some of you have been doing this since the beginning. But I liked to rock my baby to sleep. So sue me. It worked decently for naps (I only had to go up there two or three times to help him get back to sleepy state before he passed out) but then came bed time.
We have a bed time routine. We’ve had it since Day 3, our first day home from the hospital. It goes something like this: bath time, snuggles, bedtime nurse/Harry Potter reading, rocking, bed. It’s my favorite time of most days. All three of us love it. Well, I realized last night that if indeed it is true that consistency is the name of the game when it comes to parenting (and I’m a firm believer that it is) the rocking part of the bed time routine was going to be cut short. No more sleeping baby in my arms, sneaking him into his crib. Now I have a big boy. A drowsy baby in my arms, laying him in his crib, giving him a kiss and watching intently on the monitor to make sure he doesn’t need one or two more kisses.
Call me crazy, but I miss it. I miss him needing his Mum’s rocking. My songs. My warm body. He is doing outstandly well at this sleep training thing (knock on wood). It’s me whose having a rough time with it. I accidentally blinked my eyes and now he’s almost 15 weeks old. From here on out, he’s just going to get bigger, more independent. I don’t think it’s so crazy to mourn the loss of sleep rocking.
And I’ll tell you this. Once we get this sleep training thing down, we might just enjoy a night or two of sleep rocking for old time sake. So sue me.