A huge part of my identity is reserved for “Wife” and “Mum.” It’s just who I am. I wouldn’t be me without my two loves. I might lose feminism points with some people but they have shaped my being in ways they will never know. And I’m sorry, but I feel like that’s a whole different kind of feminism. Different topic for a different day.
These two are such a huge part of my day to day, which is why it’s so strange that Dream Mallory is married only about 30% of the time. And a Mum, rarely ever. I realized this the other day: in my dreams, Jonathan is not always my husband. And I usually have no Harry. And when I do have a Harry, I’m almost always separated from him. What does this mean?!
I’m a firm believer in dreams. Meaning something. Meaning what? I don’t know. Something. Your unconscious talking to you? Maybe. Your brain firing off the most random of your thoughts? Possibly. But I always remember my dreams. And they’re always strange.
So I started to ask myself why a huge part of my personality (I mean huge) is absent in my dreams. Why don’t I have Dream Jonathan and Dream Harry alongside me in my dreamtime adventures? It’s not like I have a different Dream Husband and Dream Child. It’s just me a lot of the time. Where are my loves?
I’ve come to this conclusion. I spent 22 years developing and honing Dream Mallory. Creating an identity. 22 years of that before I wed my J. So the last (almost) four years don’t seem like quite enough time to change something so unconscious yet. Dream Mallory is slowly bringing Dream Jonathan along to her strange dream-y adventures. And as for Harry, it’s only been three months with that dude. Dream Mallory was never pregnant, so to throw a Dream Harry in there 100% of the time, would be crazy. Eventually, Dream Harry will be in there. All the time. Alongside Dream Jonathan and Dream Mallory. But for now, Real Mallory spends as much time soaking up Real Harry time so she doesn’t miss him too badly when she sleeps.
Okay, that officially turned weird. But think about it. What is your dream self like?