What is it about being pregnant that is so similar to being a magnet for word vomit? People are so very open (and often, so very rude) because I’ve got a little one growing inside me. Even people who I know (ahem, men) have never had a little one growing inside of them. It’s like seeing the bump makes people forget their manners. So in case any of you run into a pregnant woman anytime soon (believe it or not, they do let us out in public like any normal person, so you’re bound to run into us at some point or another) please, please do not say:
“You’re getting so big!” or “Any day now, huh?” or “You look ready to pop!” or any variation. Yes, I realize my stomach is the size of a watermelon. I realize this baby is getting bigger by the minute. But I don’t need to be reminded that I’m ready to pop (or worse, that I still have 10 weeks to go). I am dealing with my weight gain, something not easy for women to deal with – even if it is for a wonderful reason – on my own. And to some of these people, I really want to retort snottily “Yes, I am getting so big. This baby is 7+ lbs. What is your excuse?”
“Oh, just wait.” This one might be my biggest peeve. I’m uncomfortable. I have to pee. I’m hot and I’ve got a baby bouncing happily on the beanbag chair that is my bladder. Please don’t tell me to wait. That it’s just going to get worse. I’m not saying I’m in the worst pain of my life. I’m not even saying I’m in worse pain that you were in. I’m just saying, there is a lot of pressure happening and I need to get to a bathroom or I will pee my pants… and aim for your shoe.
“My labor was 128 hours with 17 hours of pushing and all this nasty, terrible, horrific stuff happened.” I’m about to have a baby. I realize, this is my first child so I’m not really privy on what exactly labor is going to be like, but I do know this. Every labor is different. And you’re just being rude telling me how terrible yours was. I’m not sure if this is a “Look how tough I was” thing or a “I’m going to one up you” thing or what. But it is rude. And it can be scary. So shh.
“Be careful working out!” Can I take a moment to say, “Um, duh.” I’ve been a runner since fourth grade. I’ve been in the gym hitting weights for 6+ years. I don’t think there is ever a workout, pregnant or not, that I have NOT been careful. I know my body. I’ve talked to my doctor. We’re fine in that gym. And while you’re at it, please refrain from telling me “Now, don’t let your water break while you’re here!” I’ll do my best, sir.
“I wish I was as lucky as you – I gained 75 pounds when I was pregnant!” Not luck. Work. Running into my eighth month. Spinning to the bitter end. Getting into the gym five mornings a week. And not giving into every single craving. That is how I kept my weight gain manageable. Not luck.
“You still have time to get fat.” Thanks.
“May I touch your stomach?” First of all, thank you for asking instead of just touching (most people don’t bother with the question). I appreciate it. But really, you’re a stranger. I know you think you’re touching a baby, but really, you’re just touching my stomach. And if this baby were on the outside, would you come up to me and ask “May I touch your baby?” No. Personal space should still exist even when sharing your body with another human. If I want you to touch my stomach, I’ll tell you.
Now here is my disclaimer: Most of what people have said to me about my pregnancy has been very, very positive. I’m very grateful for all of you and your wonderfully supportive comments throughout this pregnancy. If you have said any of these things to me, it’s okay. I still love you and I promise my annoyance was probably very short-lived. I have heard all of these multiple, multiple times (mainly from strangers), so I don’t even remember who has said what to me. Just remember this next time you see a pregnant woman walking down the street (read:sarcasm… kind of).